Marriage in the West: Cultural Muslims
Assalam o alaykum wa rahmatullah i wabarakatuhu, bismillah wasalat o wasalam o ala rasoolillah, I must say I was living under a stone when I thought getting married is as easy as 1+1=2. From my own experience I have noted that getting married here is not as easy as it sounds, especially for FOBs like me who were born her,rasied in an Arab country with one parent from a desi culture and then sent to the US for higher secular education.(Yawn!).
Living in the US has changed our tastes. It does not make sense to get married to a girl from back home. Like, this time when I went back home I tried to come to terms with how the average woman is there but found it really hard to adjust. Take the exampe of hijab. Hijab does not simply mean covering up. And it is not only for women, it applies to men as well. It means to be modest and not attract attention from the opposite sex by dressing,putting on perfume etc. Even verbally we are ordered to be on our guard of Shaytan. So I was happy Alhamdulillah these covered women are observing the hijab. So when I was returning and I was on the plane I saw many muhajjibas. When we hit the land of the free I tried looking for those black robes but only found promiscuous women. I was shocked to see what I saw. How times have changed.
Another thing that I am really confused about and have no clue is, how do you get married in the West without your parents being present here.Is that really a requirement as some cultural muslims have made it to be? I have a big problem with the cultural muslims. They seemed to be driven by nationalistic culturalism and put culture before Deen. I have seen this very common amongst the desi masses. One of my Pakistani friends told me you will never find a wife if you are not cultural. I find it difficult to understand how “cultural Muslims” have distorted the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet(SAW). (I dont want to quote the hadith of the top my head).
In Saudi the dowry has reached phenomonal levels i.e. 70,000SAR (which is around 20,000 DOLLARS) which again goes back to the culture. Perhaps the decay we see in the muslim world is becasue of these cultural things that have taken precedence over the Deen of Allah. So my question how do we look for a potential spouse in the US?
Everyday is a struggle to lower the gaze and make dua to Allah that He may Bless me with a righteous spouse who has the understanding of the deen of Allah, is humble and patient, educated, comes from a noble family and ofcourse beautiful.
Subhana kallahumma wa bihamdika ash-haduana la illaha illa ant astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk, Ameen.