Marriage in the West: Cultural Muslims

Assalam o alaykum wa rahmatullah i wabarakatuhu, bismillah wasalat o wasalam o ala rasoolillah, I must say I was living under a stone when I thought getting married is as easy as 1+1=2. From my own experience I have noted that getting married here is not as easy as it sounds, especially for FOBs like me who were born her,rasied in an Arab country with one parent from a desi culture and then sent to the US for higher secular education.(Yawn!).

Living in the US has changed our tastes. It does not make sense to get married to a girl from back home. Like, this time when I went back home I tried to come to terms with how the average woman is there but found it really hard to adjust. Take the exampe of hijab. Hijab does not simply mean covering up. And it is not only for women, it applies to men as well. It means to be modest and not attract attention from the opposite sex by dressing,putting on perfume etc. Even verbally we are ordered to be on our guard of Shaytan. So I was happy Alhamdulillah these covered women are observing the hijab. So when I was returning and I was on the plane I saw many muhajjibas. When we hit the land of the free I tried looking for those black robes but only found promiscuous women. I was shocked to see what I saw. How times have changed.

Another thing that I am really confused about and have no clue is, how do you get married in the West without your parents being present here.Is that really a requirement as some cultural muslims have made it to be? I have a big problem with the cultural muslims. They seemed to be driven by nationalistic culturalism and put culture before Deen. I have seen this very common amongst the desi masses. One of my Pakistani friends told me you will never find a wife if you are not cultural. I find it difficult to understand how “cultural Muslims” have distorted the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet(SAW). (I dont want to quote the hadith of the top my head).

In Saudi the dowry has reached phenomonal levels i.e. 70,000SAR (which is around 20,000 DOLLARS) which again goes back to the culture. Perhaps the decay we see in the muslim world is becasue of these cultural things that have taken precedence over the Deen of Allah. So my question how do we look for a potential spouse in the US?

Everyday is a struggle to lower the gaze and make dua to Allah that He may Bless me with a righteous spouse who has the understanding of the deen of Allah, is humble and patient, educated, comes from a noble family and ofcourse beautiful.

Subhana kallahumma wa bihamdika ash-haduana la illaha illa ant astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk, Ameen.


4 comments so far

  1. youngMuslimah on

    I dont live in the west so i dont know..but its sad to see muslimahs in the east removing their abayahs as soon as they step out of their countries..thing is they dont even wear the hiab out of their own’s more of a social pressure. sad huh tell me about it..:(

  2. youngMuslimah on


  3. Sarah on

    Those women that you saw after the plane landed, how did you know that they were promiscuous? Did they give you that come hither look that said they wanted you to ravish their bodies or something? Did you see them coming on to or having sex with several men? Really, how did you know, without knowing them personally, whether they were promiscuous or not? You are not prejudging people based on their clothing are you?

    youngMuslimah, It is sad, very sad, that a girl should feel such pressure to wear something that she is uncomfortable with.

  4. musafirfidunya on

    JazakAllah khair Sarah for your comments. :).

    Look if your wearing prmiscuous clothing that entices men what do you expect? I am not judging their hearts because I dont know what they have in it. Only Allah Knows the hearts. But when I see someone dressed sexually suggestive then yes I have every right to judge them. Someone who is coevered and observing the hijab I will judge them and say mashAllah what a good thing. But if that same person who covers is drinking alcohol then I have every right to say this is forbidden and what you are doing is not right. See Islam gives a measuring stick. Actions are a direct manifestation of your belief. If you have belief your actions are directed according to that. Wallah u alam. Let me know what you think.

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